Of Course You Know a Rapist!
I’d like to start of by saying that I really love your blog, and really love most of the posts, so don’t take my following comments as anything other than civil discourse. And to anyone reading this post, I haven’t been following @sexismandthecity long, but her blog seems worth a follow from what I can tell so far, even if as I am about to describe, I find this post problematic.COME ON. who are these people who have never met a rapist?
If 1 in 6 women are the victims of a a rape or attempted rape in their lifetime and 73% of rapes are committed by a non-stranger, do the math.
Found here
Again, as I’ve mentioned I think several times on this blog, I resent (and I say this even as a woman) the hyper-focus on patriarchy/female victims/male attackers when talking about sexual assault. I briefly explain why here.
If the author is trying to make a point about rape in general, why hyper-focus on the women and exclude the male victims? Are they not important statistics? Are their rapes negligible? If you read the whole blog post that SATC quotes, it gets even worse (added bolding mine):I have my suspicions about some people and keep my distance. but how many people walking down the street are rapists? maybe less than 1 in 6. but still. how many people are in a grocery store when you go shopping? how many are men?I mean, I get it on a technical level. Technically, according to the data we currently have (but you know, I think it’s fair to say that a male sexual assault victim would be on average far less likely to report being a victim than a female victim because of the additional stigma of being a male victim - not that female rapes aren’t also under reported because of stigma issues, but I’m just saying… I don’t trust those RAINN male victim statistics.. not because RAINN sucks, but just because of the nature of society at the moment) males are more often the aggressor than women, and women are more often the victims than men.
And I even agree with the general thesis of the post - wake up people, you know rapists even if you think you don’t. Just like you know people who have been raped even if you think you don’t. I think it’s a valid statement and one very much worth getting the word out about.
I just take issue with the way it is then supported in the post. Look, I know that all that technical stuff, at least on the surface (because like I said, I’d bet a lot of money on male victims reporting their assaults far less than female victims… and also bet money that even when they do come forward with being assaulted, that while women are often not taken seriously, men are often taken seriously far less than even women) is what it is.
But that doesn’t justify the way the argument is made. The exclusionary language and tone against male victims hurts male victims. It hurts females. It hurts everyone, because it fouls up our comprehension of gender dynamics and the interrelation of gender and sexual violence. It forwards stereotypes and socially created archetypes…. even if someone who uses such exclusionary arguments says something like “I don’t deny the pain of male victims, I don’t see male victims as negligible, I don’t see aggressor by definition as a male word and victim as a female word,” no matter what the conscious intentions, the impact of the exclusion and language goes against those very spoken claims.
I think it’s sexist against males. And you know, not even that, like I said, it hurts everyone. I’m sure there’s a word out there for it, but I don’t have one yet, and if someone knows it, please let me know.. but I wish there was a word that was gender neutral, that didn’t have the connotations of “sexist,” for example, (against females - that is generally how it’s used - if you’re using it otherwise, you often have to clarify) that imply an injury to all genders, to gender relations, or how we view gender, or something… like not just sexist against males, not just sexist against females, but sexist against humans in general. Because that’s how I view stuff like this, and I wish I could better articulate it.
i think i understand what katharine is trying to say. in my opinion, ALL sexism operates to hurt women. i do NOT deny the fact that men suffer a great deal because of sexism. when men are impacted, it’s often because they exhibit a behavior/attitude/sexual attracton/appearance that is considered feminine- thus, even with a male victim, femininity is assaulted.
the idea that women are innocent, helpless & naive victims of rape (and the ignoring of male victims) exemplifies benevolent sexism (with the intention of protecting women). however, benevolent sexist ideas- that women are nurturing, fragile, motherly- are dangerous because who do not fulfill these expectations are punished, often with violence (hostile sexism). male victims are impacted by the benevolent sexist, “female victim” idea because the phrase adds shame to their suffering by suggesting there is something inherently un-masculine about being a victim of assault.
in my opinion, sexism occurs any time we impose (positive or negative) gender-related expectations upon a person or group. i think we should discuss rape as a violent act and a human rights issue. about the universal human right to live in a physically safe environment and deny unwanted sexual activity. it has nothing to do with gender.
